Memoirs to Myself
by jackyyy17
Summary: Emperor Palpatine finds a new hand and a young girl begins to record entries in a Holocube to help calm her fears. Bad summary, but the story is good


Memoirs to Myself

by: jackyyy17

**Timeframe:** Seven years after ROTS

**Genre:** angst

**Summary: **Emperor Palpatine finds a new hand and a young girl begins to record entries in a Holocube to help calm her fears.

**Notes:** This is in response to a challenge posted by my Jedi Master DaenaBenjen42: Mara viggie. Just Mara. You choose the perspective. Pick an important moment in her life and explore it.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Star Wars characters.

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_Entry One:_

_I'm scared. My mommy and Daddy are gone. I don't know what to do. I'm scared._

_Calm down, Calm down. Mommy always said fear leads to the Dark side. That talking would help the fear go away. So let me try talking._

_My name is Tamara Jayden, and I am the daughter of Dominic and Malika Jayden. I am five years old and have fire hair and green eyes. I would tell you where I live, but my parents are always running from the bad man. _

_I think the bad man caught them though, because these things that kind of reminded me of marshmallows with legs, showed up at my house and my parents were afraid. They told me to run so I did._

_I ran out of the apartment and down the hallway until I ran into a faceless guy with yellow eyes, dressed in dark robes. He told me it was okay, that I shouldn't be afraid because he would help me. _

_Then I heard my Momma call for my Daddy, a blaster shot, and a scream. The dark guy took my hand and told me to follow him and I would be safe. He said that Mommy and Daddy would come later. Then he led me to this flying ship and we went into a bigger flying ship and he told me to stay in this room so my parents could find me._

_Well, it's later and Mommy and Daddy still aren't here. I found this recorder thingie on the table and I... _

KNOCK ON DOOR

_Maybe that is Mommy and Daddy now._

_Entry Ended_

_-_

Tamara stuffed the holocube into her pocket as the door swooshed up to reveal the dark hooded Emperor Palpatine. "Come my child, we have arrived at your new home."

"Where is Mommy and Daddy?" Tamara asked Palpatine.

"They will be here later. In the mean time, let me take you to your new room." He took her by the hand and led her off the shuttle and into the Imperial Palace.

They took a turbolift and then walked down rows and rows of closed doors until Palpatine stopped at a door with strange markings that Tamara had never seen before.

They entered the room and walked down a little hallway which held a door to a fresher. They entered a small bedroom/kitchenette with a twin bed in the far right corner of the room.

"You will stay here. There is some food in the shelves and drinks in the cooler unit. A droid will bring you food later on. The lights must be out by twenty hundred hours because a droid will be in here at oh five hundred to get you ready. Do you have any questions?"

Tamara stared at the dark hooded man and asked, "What is o twenty whatever? What time is that?"

"You will learn child, you will learn." Palpatine turned and briskly walked down the hall, out the door.

Tamara stood in the middle of the room for a long time before she pulled out the holocube and hid it behind a loose panel in the wall behind her bed.

oooooooo000000oooooooo

_Entry Two:_

_Mommy and Daddy are still gone. I don't know when they will be back. _

_The dark man has a face, but it is all wrinkly and messed up. He has been teaching me how to keep myself safe from the mean man. He is very thoughtful for helping me. He is even showing me how to move leaves with my mind. _

_Mommy always told me never to do things with my mind. She said that bad man would find me if I did. But Yellow Eyes said that he will keep me safe. Mommy told me that the Jedi were being hunted because and they shouldn't use…I think Mommy said it was the Force. Both of my parents are Jedis. I want to be one too!_

_Everybody seems to be afraid of Yellow Eyes. They all go hide when we walk down the halls. I asked him why, and he said that fear is a good thing._

_That's not what Daddy told me, but Yellow Eyes said that Daddy is wrong. He said that fear, anger, and hate are good things to use. _

_He also said that tomorrow he will let me play with a laser dart gun. I don't have any toys here, so that will be fun. I can't wait. _

_I have to go to bed now, I think it's twenty hundred hours._

_Entry Ended _

_-_

Tamara took the small Holocube and put it in her secrete hiding place behind the wall. She climbed into the big bed and tried to use her mind to turn off the light. It didn't work.

After breaking into a sweat, Tamara, with a headache, climbed out of bed and turned the light off. She stumbled back to bed and fell into a restless sleep, dreaming about her Mother and Father.

oooooooo000000oooooooo

_Entry three:_

_I found out Yellow Eyes' name. It is Emperor Palpatine, but I can call him Master for short._

_He told me that Momma and Daddy won't be coming back. That the bad man was after me, and they aban… abandidid…left me so that they could be safe. He told me all Jedi were like that. All were mean and needed to be wiped out._

_I don't think I want to be a Jedi anymore. I miss Mommy and Daddy. _

_Master says my training is coming along good. I can now hear him a little bit in my mind. It is so cool because now I know when twenty hundred hours is. _

_He also said that I am becoming a good aim. He told me he will reward me for my loyalty. I can't wait._

_I finally found someone who is not afraid of him. He is big and black. I think Master called him Tator or something like that. _

_I'm not afraid of Master either. He has been so nice to me, letting me stay here even when the bad man want's to kill me._

_I have to go. My Master is calling me in my mind. I can come get my reward now._

_Entry Ended_

_-_

Tamara hid the Holocube in her usual spot and sprinted into the Emperor's throne room. She waited by the door, the two Royal Guards now accustom to her coming and going, paying her little mind.

Come in my child. It is time. The doors swished open by themselves and Tamara made her way to bow in front of the raised dais were Palpatine had his back turned toward her.

He turned his chair around, were he was facing her and smiled. "It is time, child, for the next step of your training."

"What about my reward?" Tamara asked in excitement.

"Don't worry child, here it is."

Palpatine forced himself into Tamara's mind. The young child fell to the floor and twitched as her mind was assaulted. His snarling face took pleasure on knowing Tamara in an intimate way. Palpatine forced down every mental barrier and violently ripped memories from Tamara's head. He erased her very identity, leaving the girl nameless. He forced new images into her head: her parents' betrayal, a new identity, every aspect of her young life. Then he forced a link between them so he could know her whereabouts and activity at all times. She would be completely loyal to him.

After the assault was over, Palpatine let the girl lay there, her red hair sprayed around her head, like blood flowing from a wound.

Some time later, he walked over to the girl and woke her up. "What, what happened?" the young gril stammered. "My head hurts." For the first time, the small girl finally cried.

"Wipe your tears, young one. It is time for your training."

Yes, my Master." The young girl struggled to stand up. She walked over to the throne and bowed before Palpatine.

"Rise my future hand. Rise Mara Jade."

oooooooo000000oooooooo

**Thirty Years Later**

A small Holocube, left untouched for over thirty years, had finally been recovered.

A lone woman with red hair and green eyes sat silently, staring at a young girl who was a spitting image of herself.

After all these years, Mara had finally found a link to her past. She finally knew something about herself, and her family.

She stared at the recording, tears forming in her eyes, until it was over. Needing to see it again, Mara put the Holocube on repeat and watched it until she cried herself to sleep.

The Memoirs continued to play on, long into the night.

The End

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Thanks for reading my story. 

Feedback is always enjoyed, so please tell me what you think!


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